Date Another Day: Diary of an Online Dater

More tales of Online Types

2010-02-24T17:18:00.000-08:00

And the list continues...

Mr. Rebound
I steer clear of these guys if I can so my experience with them is low. I just don’t date guys who recently came out of a relationship or are separated. And there are plenty online. Most are honest and will say in their profile, “just got out of something, need to take it slow” or put themselves in the category of “separated”. Because I’m looking for more of a Mr. Right, these guys just aren’t in a space where they can put that kind of attention. I did meet a guy who claimed he was divorced only to dig deeper in the conversation and find that he was actually in a messy divorce and custody battle. Like the Monopoly game, I did not pass go and collect $200. I got the hell out of there.

Mr. Crazy
I have a special nack for pulling in the slightly off centers. Perhaps there is a sign on my forehead that only appears to crazy folks which states “Your kind is welcome here”. I’ve gotten crazy emails, cyber/telephone/email stalkers and guys literally on medications. Some I can weed out as soon as I get their email. One guy’s first email to me requested that I be his wife. Naturally, being sane minded, I ignored it. Some time later he sent an angry email asking why I did not want to be his wife. I blocked his email.

Mr. Taken
So I read somewhere that 60% of the people on some of these sites are actually already in relationships just looking for validation, ways to cheat or backup if things go wrong with their current partners. Well, that’s disheartening. I can’t say for sure that I’ve ever met this type but I wouldn’t be surprised if I had. This could be the guy who doesn’t keep in touch much, maybe only wants to be email or text buddies or wants to get intimate way too early. Therefore, he could easily fall into the categories mentioned above but actually be more at home here. Be on your guard, you just never know.

So that sums it up ladies and gents. Try to avoid some of these guys (or gals, just replace the Mr. with a Ms.) but if you can’t, just take heart, you aren’t alone!

Sick oh and Tired

2010-02-21T17:48:00.000-08:00

So I have one month and a couple of weeks left of my paid subscription to my current dating site and I am already done. Oh, not because I've found someone but because all of my dates have left me drained. I even canceled a date this weekend. Not because I didn't care but because I was actually sick but I'd like to think of it as a sign. He seems like a nice guy but I'm just not excited because the last several dates have been such a bust.

After months of not having any success I just can't get the energy up to go out on another date. I don't even want to respond to another email from a guy. I am very much a girly girl and I got ready for my last date in twenty minutes. That's how little I cared.

I figure when I just don't have the interest anymore then I'm not going to be much of a date for others to enjoy. When it stops being fun, boys and girls, the show is over. However, I did pay for that site and I am going to make an effort, albeit painful, to get use out of it. What that will mean is that I'll simply be a little picker with who I see. If "the spirit" is telling me no then going out won't be a good experience. So no more going out with guys I'm not even remotely excited to meet. Also, I will not go out with anymore pretty boys just because...

Oh, and I'm putting my extra energy into other things like volunteering, rock climbing, working on my writing. Ultimately, I need a mood enhancer and I'm not finding it in other people so maybe, just maybe, if I have a good thing going in other parts of my life, these bummer dates won't be so draining.

Anywho, April 5, 2010 is when my subscription ends so we'll see how it goes, maybe I'll have a change of heart...

Online types continued

2010-02-21T16:38:00.000-08:00

Mr. Serial Dater

I would call him a subset of the Jerk. He too is not looking for anything serious and that in itself is not necessarily a bad thing (although quite annoying to find, especially in men over 30). What makes him a jerk is that he really is just looking for a party and he wants to have fun with a bunch pretty girls regardless of whether you make a connection. Even if you have an awesome date and click well, he may not actively pursue you because he is also dating several other girls. He is not like the Mr. Right, who will stop actively going online if he has a good date with you. Mr. Serial Dater is looking for quantity not quality so don’t take it hard if he doesn’t call after the date. His MO is more likely to call you a week or two later asking you to go out that night. If you’re looking for a Mr. Right, this is a Mr. Waste of Your Time!

Mr. Awkward

This is really short for Mr. I’m Totally Socially Awkward and this is the Only Way I Can Communicate to a Female Without Throwing Up. Now, I love a good geek but in moderation. These guys just have no swagger, low confidence and will literally blend into a wall at a party which is why they turn to online dating as the only way they can be active. However, even after they have built a mutual connection with someone they still can’t get the confidence to move forward. These guys don’t call often, preferring to email, they have poor conversation skills and may show high signs of nervousness around you. I once had one Mr. Awkward get so nervous that he got drunk going out with me to calm his nerves. It was not pretty. I also had another guy text and email me for a month without making plans to meet up even though I mentioned wanting to. This raised concern and impatience with me so I started to ignore his emails. Some can get through this, especially if they meet a girl on their same playing field, for anyone else the dating experience will just be unfufilling.

Mr. M.I.A.

I have an unproven belief that this guy is most prevalent on dating sites. He works hours that don’t really allow him time to meet women. Maybe he works at night or works really long hours. I’ve dated a lot of this type and because I’m not demanding I don’t find it annoying, too much. There is a limit. What jumps these guys into M.I.A. status is the infrequent contact. You may speak to this guy only once a week and see him, maybe, 4 times a month. Things don’t really progress because of the infrequent contact and may even be dropped altogether only to be picked back up some time later when that “intense project” he was working on is over. Like I stated, I’m very understanding but everyone wants to be thought about and if things move at a snails pace and, meanwhile, you’re both dating other people then something serious won’t form. I’m a firm believer that short of hospitalization or being in a country that you can’t make phone calls from, no one is so busy that they can’t text, email or call you on a regular basis. So when you don’t hear from a guy in a week, well, like the saying goes, He’s Just Not That Into You.

No Surprises

2010-02-20T17:51:00.000-08:00

No Surprises
I’ve done almost every reputable dating site there is and although I prefer some over others (and I'll discuss that in the future), the types of guys I encounter usually are the same. I used to believe that the free sites were for people who weren’t really looking for anything serious and the paid sites were just the opposite. In my mind, why would a person pay a monthly fee just to find someone to “hookup” with when there were plenty of free sites to go to. Perhaps they wanted a more selective class of “prospects” to chose from? Who knows, yet what I do know is that the online dating draws many types but usually, at least for men, they mostly fall into these categories:

Mr. Right
Mr. Jerk
Mr. Serial Dater
Mr. Awkward
Mr. M.I.A.
Mr. Crazy/Stalker
Mr. Rebound
Mr. Taken

Over the course of the next few entries, I will describe the types in detail begining with:

Mr. Right

Now by this title I am not just saying that this guy is perfect and will be the one for you simply because he is looking for a long term relationship, wife, soul mate. He may say and do the right things but there may not be any chemistry or attraction. In theory this is the guy I’d like to encounter should attraction exist however, it is a rare find. And let’s make this clear, age does not determine a thing when it comes to online dating. I’ve encountered many an arrogant play boy at various ages.

Mr. Jerk

These are the ones I’ve been confused by for paid sites. These guys are simply looking for friends with benefits, hookups and bootycalls. Why pay when you can find action at a bar or on a site designated for such? Beware of these guys. Some are straight forward. I actually received an email from a guy that asked could we be friends with benefits. This was the first communication I had ever received from him. I was none too pleased. However, I prefer to see the wolves not in sheep’s clothing than the ones who play nice in the beginning and then as soon as you go out with them they don’t respect boundaries. I’ve dodged guys who don’t know where to keep their hands or who have asked to come to my place on the first date! And for someone who rarely even kisses on a first date, this is a problem! I hate the Mr. Jerks and usually dream of their demise at my hands.

Here I go Again on My Own

2010-02-20T17:42:00.000-08:00

The Intro
I should start this site with a disclaimer: I hate online dating with a passion but my life situation has left me with no choice but to turn to this option.

I don’t have the luck of working around eligible bachelors. My office is filled with women and married men. I only encounter single men when dodging immature boys or dirty old men at the bars and lounges. Chance meetings at the grocery store, sports games or the gym don’t happen anymore for me since I moved to the suburbs. Therefore, no bumping into young eligible bachelors at the store. I don’t have many single friends that get out anymore besides my guy friends and who is going to approach me with them around? It's a rhetorical question but I'll answer it anyway: No One!

Sure I could pay an insane rent or mortgage and move to some trendy part of the city with more of my “kind” but that won’t guarantee the end of my single affair. I’ve lived in the city, it just makes you more alone if there is no one with you, including friends, to take advantage of it all. So until I can build up a new friendship base of Sex In the City single gal pals, location doesn't matter.

So I’m left with online dating. I’ve been winking, IMing and emailing for love for
2 ½ years now ever since a friend introduced me to it. Soon after she found her now husband but said she had been online dating off and on for about three years. Another friend, also in a happy relationship courtesy of online dating, shared the same time span for finding love. So on this unofficial time limit, that means I should find “the one” in about six more months.

Excuse me if I don’t hold my breath.

Now, I try not to be a cynic but naivete isn’t my thing either. Online dating is just another avenue to meeting people but I don’t have expectations that it’s going to lead to anything better than what I’ve already encountered simply because one is paying to meet people. I say this because, as a self appointed online dating expert, I have not met any surprises. Men are men, whether you meet them in Home Depot or online. You can meet the same guys at the gym or on match.com.

I decided to start a blog at the suggestion of my sister who gets a fair amount of entertainment out of dating experiences and suggest I share them with the world. If anything, this will allow me the opportunity to vent and move on and maybe find some folk who can relate to what I've experienced. So here goes ladies and gents, laugh, shake your head, roll your eyes, enjoy!